My town celebrates the fourth of July every year by setting off fireworks in the field of my local high school. It’s quite enjoyable; the band and colorguard go around the entire time selling food, everybody crams together in sports field for small talk and cheerful celebrating, and there’s a DJ that plays wholesome, family-approved music. Instead of being one of those joyful celebrators this year, however, I had to join my fellow high schoolers and pull around a wagon full of sugary goodness and attempt to sell it to random passerby, as I plan to join the colorguard next year and doing this is a requirement (They also do car washes and football games, wahoo!).
My group of wagon pullers, nicknamed “Team Sexy", were composed of five people: myself (junior, colorguard), Alex (senior, band), Karen (sophomore, band), Violet (senior, colorguard), and some other senior guy in the band whose name currently escapes me. The entire food selling experience turned out to be really fun, and our team completely creamed the other ones by raising a stunning one hundred eighty dollars (I think it was because we were energetic and persistent, constantly shouting “HOTDOGS! PREZTELS! SODA! CANDY! SUGAR!” at the tops of our lungs and manipulating unsuspecting teenagers who came in our path). Through this experience I also started a friendship with Alex.
Alex, who is a tuba player in the band, turned out to be a very nice senior whose interests and hobbies mirrored mine. While not particularly attractive, he has a fantastic personality and seemed to take an interest in me right away. After befriending me on facebook after the fireworks and getting my cell phone number off my profile, he proceeded to text me everyday for a good two weeks. I found out early on that he was extremely easy to talk to; without even trying, we ended up texting for hours at a time, talking about things we shared in common, things we disagreed on, etc. As the days wore on, too, and the weeks passed, I started actually considering him as a potential boyfriend. I already knew he liked me, because he said so several times and tried relentlessly to get me to hang out with him. He also bombarded me with the most amazing compliments that flustered me almost every time, radiated sincerity, and was the type of person that strived for a serious relationship and would honestly treat you like royalty.
Respectively, after two and a half weeks of this I finally caved and allowed him to take me on a mini-date to see the next Harry Potter film.
The date went well, even though I was extremely nervous and was having panic attacks all day before the date (I have bad anxiety). He paid for my ticket, kept the conversation going, and even pulled the whole yawn, stretch and put his arm around you thing halfway through the movie. We even managed to talk for an hour after the film while waiting for his sister to pick us up. There was only one problem throughout the entire thing: it just didn’t seem right to me. He was a great guy, and it was obvious that we had potential, but for some reason it just didn’t seem right.
Then, as if to confirm my strange feeling, right before I got into the car James texted me. James, whom I have severely liked for the past several months. James, who has denied me on several occasions, whom I have blogged about numerous times, who has caused me so much and suffering, and who for some reason I unconditionally love. Him.
We ended up having the most BIZAAR conversation through text message that I completely and utterly did not expect, and that almost made me cry, sing, and scream all at once during the ride home from my date with another guy. For your viewing pleasure, I will post the entire thing:
James: hello!
Me: hey jimmy! what's up?
James: You told me to let you know if things don't work out with the girl I was after, well, things didn't work out.
Me: aw, I'm really sorry. Are you okay?
James: I'm in a kind of confused state where I don't know what I should do or how I should feel about urrythang. I really want you to know about it though.
Me: Thank you, I appreciate it. :] If you want to talk about what happened I'm here...
James: I want to say so much to you, but I need to get my head straight. My whole attraction to her, though over, is now clearly one of childish desire. Puppy love at this age is disgraceful lol. There was no maturity involved and I feel like such an ass for considering it in the first place.
Me: It happens to the best of us, don't beat yourself up about it. Did you end up getting together at all? (referring to him and the girl that has been standing between us)
James: Nope. I wanted to spend time with her by inviting her over to watch a movie, twice, each time she was a complete no show and did not talk to me. Then she said she didn't want to come over because I would try to kiss her. Not my intention at all. Her entire approach to it was all juvenile. I'm stupid for wasting my time... and yours. :(
Me: One, you weren't wasting my time, and two, I agree, she could have handled things differnetly. She didn't spare your feelings at all. That's not right, and I'm glad you see that.
James: I've been constantly told that she is a waste of my time and I'm worth a lot better. It's just took me a while to listen. I'm just hopin' that you still been waitin' for my slow ass lol.
Me: I've been hoping, I'll admit it.
James: The situation is chaotic and so much is surrounding me. I was wondering if you was still thurr. I'm getting over and I'm looking for some alone time, but I gots a lot on my mind.
Me: I am still here, but I don't want to be a fallback. If you decide to give us a shot... I want it to be because you legit like me. Keep that in mind.
James: I like you and had an interest in you, it's just at the time, I had a previous interest in her and had told her that. Now, she crushed it. I am simply a mistake-ridden hormonal dude mang. This is maturing at its best. You are one of the only two people I text who uses correct grammar and punctuation. Pat yoself on the back!
[enter meaningless conversation for a few more hours]
Finally, my unrequited love has a chance of being requited. It figured that this would happen as soon as I made the gruesome decision to attempt to accept the fact that I will never be good enough for him, and to try to move on and see other people. It also would happen during a date.
It happened, though, and I could not be happier.
I’m trying not to get my hopes up, however. Even though we’ve been talking a lot since that night, something tells me that things probably won’t work out between us… because things that seem too good to be true usually are.
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