vague mystique.

Before I type anything today, I want to address one thing, which is the epic fail that has been Rosalie’s BEDA. I know that I promised you all that I would be blogging everyday, and trust me, I had every intention to, I did. However, my LAPTOP BROKE. REALLY. A few weeks ago I went to turn it on and it decided to give me error messages, and for WEEKS I was without a laptop, spending my days and nights on the phone with disturbingly calm technical support agents from Dell with hopes that if I explained my problem enough, someone, SOMEWHERE, from Dell would find me a solution.

And they did, so thank you Dell (Even though it was YOUR product that malfunctioned and you SHOULD have anticipated something like this and PREVENTED it from happening because you are ALWAYS supposed to ANTICIPATE THE WORST  IN  THINGS. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS). You have my utmost gratitude.

Anyway, though, let’s continue because I’ve been gone for three weeks or so and a lot of things have happened.

WHAT YOU MISSED (BECAUSE OF DELL’S IDOCY)

I received my report card a few weeks ago, and for the first time in like, ever, I didn’t get honor roll because of STUPID FUCKING WESTERN CIV. I hate you, honors western civilizations, I really do. You have hurt me to the point where I have given up in the class and am now struggling to pass for the year.

Last Friday at youth group, I got one of my friends to tell James that I like him as more than a friend because I was tired of the mixed signals he was giving me and wanted a straight answer. Even though on some days we’ve been talking for around nine hours through text, and even though we have insane chemistry, I knew the answer would be no. It was. He told Melissa something along the lines of, “Look, I have nothing against her, but I don’t want a girlfriend right now because I’m still hung up over the ugly slut I started dating after the soph hop and only went out with for a few days, and whom I broke up with because things were moving too fast. I still want to be friends however.”  I have not given up on him.

Shortly after the soph hop, and around the time that James started dating the ugly slut, I went into the first relationship I’ve been in since sixth grade. He was junior who was working at the place where the sop hop was at, and I knew we didn’t have a lot of chemistry (Absolutely nothing in common. Nothing), but I wanted the experience so I accepted when he asked me out a few days after the dance. The relationship lasted two weeks. He was my first kiss.

I went through a week or two of severe depression, again. I questioned the meaning of life, again. This resulted in some radical changes in my life, all revolving around the philosophy that I’m going to do whatever it takes to be content with my life, even if it involves doing some things that society deems “unacceptable” or “inappropriate”. I don’t care what it socially acceptable anymore. I, Rosalie Bass, am the only thing that matters to I, Rosalie Bass, right now. I am number one in my list of priorities.

With that said, I think I should let you guys know that one of the radical changes I have made has been the addition of a new male in my life, named Brenden. I’ve known him since seventh grade, and swim with him on the swim team. He’s the captain and a grade above me. He is also my friends with benefits.

I know a lot of my friends will disapprove of this, which is why I have decided not to tell anybody. He hasn’t either. This arrangement happened several days ago during a late night conversation with him through text message, where we were both heavily engaged in one of our many much-loved conversations that involve asking insanely awkward, uncomfortable questions about the other (What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done? What’s your favorite underwear? How far have you went? Would you make out with so-and-so?) just because we  can. It’s rather hilarious, and I absolutely adore those conversations, and love him for being so forward and starting the whole ordeal in the first place.

Anyway, though, one of the questions asked involved relationships, and it sparked a very enlightening conversation (For me, anyway) about how complicated relationships have gotten and how neither of us are particularly interested in a relationship (Well, for me it’s more that for the past several months I’ve only wanted a relationship with James, who doesn’t want a relationship with anybody right now and probably will never want a relationship with me, but whatever). The both of us are just looking to have a good time, no strings attached. We can date other people if we want, get with other people if we want, whatever. It’s very casual. I think it will be quite the change of pace.

The second radical decision I’ve made is that I want to do something memorable and absolutely insane for my birthday next month, just to keep things interesting. My original plan was to go clubbing with my sister and her friends,  but a few days ago that fell through because of the club’s pesky age brackets (I’m not in the same age bracket as Serena, so we wouldn’t be able to go together). As a result, I skillfully concocted a second plan- tag along with Serena to a college party and get completely and utterly wasted. I already asked her, and am currently in the process of waiting for an answer (She’s talking it over with her crew). I’m quite  confident. She already told me that she wants to  be there when I get trashed for the first time, and her friends have already offered to bring me to college parties with them in the past. I am now just… accepting the offer.

So far this is all I have, but for now I think this list of changes and additions will suffice. My goal is to live life how I  want to live it, because the truth is, I haven’t been happy with my life for the past few years and am tired of it. I wanted to do something, so I am. I am NOT going to be one of those people who sit around going, “I hate my life, I hate my life, I’m fat and ugly and wish I could be someone different.” I am above that.

…Hopefully, though, the only difference my friends and family will see will  be a happier person (I still plan to keep the friends I have now; I am just adding variety).

PEACE YO.

(Oh, and by the way, check out 3OH!3, James turned me onto them and they are AWESOME!)