vague mystique.

I am afraid that this is a short post.

Ten minutes ago I was sitting in my room doing my Algebra II homework, completely minding my own business and actually attempting to be productive instead of the lazy, procrastinating person junior I've been lately.

All of the sudden, I hear a screech, a car door slam, and people shouting obscenities. I walk into the living room and look out the window, and there is my sister with three of her friends on one side of the yard, staring down six black people on the opposite side. My sister is screaming "GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY!" while a black girl screams simultaneously, her speech mixing with Serena's.

My grandmother takes this as her que to come outside and see what's going on while I stay inside staring out the window at the scene. She starts screaming at some black kid, and my sister is about to punch this black chick, and basically a ghetto fight is about to go down on my suburban lawn.

After a few more seconds of shouting, my grandmother walks about an inch away from this black kid's face and starts cursing and screaming in a really intimidating manner. Probably taken aback by the seventy year old woman, and the fact that my sister's crew is about to go APESHIT on theirs, the black crew of six motherfuckers leave.

Then my grandmother rounds on my sister, telling HER to get the fuck off the property because she is a disgrace and her bringing the fucking ghetto crew to our house is the last straw.

(Like we haven't heard that before.)

Serena says, "It's fine," and other useless reassurances, and then gets back into her car (which she had drove diagonal across the lawn in an attempt to run the black chick over, probably) and leaves.

My grandmother then comes back into the house and fucking screams at ME, telling me how much of a fucking bitch I am and how I shouldn't have stayed in the house, but went outside and fought the black motherfuckers even though they were several years older than me and obviously would have kicked my ass. And were a ghetto crew. Let's not forget that.

She then screams some more about how much of a failure I am, informs me that she will no longer take me to the fucking college fair tomorrow that we were supposed to go to because of my attitude, slams the door, and walks away.

I love how everything always comes back to something wrong that I did. Apparently doing one's algebra two homework is not a sufficient way to spend one's time anymore.

And I love how I've had a fucking horrid day and get to come home to screaming guardians who really don't give a fuck about me and have a gift for making me feel insurmountably guilty when, logically, I did nothing wrong.

I apologize, but I really cannot do this anymore. I can't... I can't keep living in this personal Hell, and I don't care if this makes me sound weak, but I CANNOT TAKE THE CONSTANT DISAPPROVAL AND SCREAMING ANYMORE.

I get screamed at every. single. day.

And get told how much of a complete failure I am by people who are supposed to LOVE ME AND SUPPORT ME every. single. day.

I give up. I admit defeat. I am a failure.

I'm not even angry anymore. I'm numb. And I'm talking in fragments. This is definately NOT my best example of writing.

I don't fucking care. I fail at writing, I fail at life.

I am inadequate.